We need to rekindle our bromance
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
