I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
