Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
