did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize