i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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