And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
