just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i've created a new STD.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
