somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
