What did we do last night that was yellow?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
