I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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