This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
