there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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