oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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