My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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