My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize