ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I looked at my own cervix.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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