Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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