the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Sober January is a disaster.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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