Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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