I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
