Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
