On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
