How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
