dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
