Your tits are I can't wait for
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
