That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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