I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
