Your dad touched me again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Found your dick twin last night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
