I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
