Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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