Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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