and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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