I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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