why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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