Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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