I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
