Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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