Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
