Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
