Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
