We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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