I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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