Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
