I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
