community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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