Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Rumble strips road head = magical
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
