I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
