just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
