I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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