is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
