I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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