My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
