There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize