I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
