if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
