The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
