Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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