Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
