Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
