Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
